Bathrooms: Not actually that hard to find.

It was not a good weekend in downtown Lowell for fellas who couldn’t keep their zipper up.

Officers working “downtown disorder details,” extra patrols aimed at getting a grip on assaults and disorder downtown during the peak business hours for bars, ended up charging five different guys with indecent exposure over the course of just four hours early Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Here is where I’ll provide you with the list of folks who are accused of needing more potty training, and tell you the story of another guy who walked down Middle Street with his penis exposed even though a cop was right behind him.

Robert Latour, 33, of 9 Puffer Avenue in Lowell kicked things off early Saturday morning about 1:20 a.m., when he allegedly urinated within sight of an officer near the intersection of Merrimack and John Streets. Not exactly a secluded location to convene a meeting with nature.

It took about 25 minutes before Lowell Police allegedly spotted someone else.

Jeffrey Bachelder, 34, of 26 Otsego Avenue, in Lowell, was arrested and accused of urinating on a church. He was taken into custody at 1:46 a.m., after an officer allegedly saw him urinate on a door at St. Joseph the Worker Shrine on Lee Street.

The next arrest didn’t come until early Sunday morning, when Michael Conderman, 20, of Rochester, N.H., allegedly walked down Middle Street with his penis exposed. Police say three girls were walking in front of Conderman, and one of them turned around and noticed the exposure at 12:04 a.m.

A police officer was walking unnoticed behind Conderman at the time. That turned out well.

In addition to an indecent exposure charge, Conderman was also booked for lewd and lascivious behavior and carrying a false liquor id.

He “admitted to having a fake ID that he intended to use at one of the bars downtown,” said Capt. Kelly Richardson.

That’s when history started repeating itself.

It was 12:50 a.m. when police say Steven Leone, 24, of 15 Middlesex Drive, Littleton, took a leak within sight of Capt. Jack Webb, who happened to be in command of the entire police effort downtown. Leone was arrested at 65 Merrimack Street, which is maybe 20 or 30 yards from the intersection with John Street.

The last guy to make the list was Richard Smith, 26, of 98 Nancy Avenue in Dracut. Smith was allegedly seen urinating in a parking lot off Lee Street at 1:22 a.m.

I guess the good news is that no one was hurt.

If this trend continues, I’m going to start requesting mugshots of those booked for doing this.

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5 responses to “Bathrooms: Not actually that hard to find.

  1. Things haven’t changed– beer only stays in a person’s system so long before the call of nature asserts itself! Unfortunately it usually happens after the place sends everybody home & locks up for the night……..

  2. You’re right. It is pathetic. At a time of night in that neighborhood when you can’t walk 30 feet without passing someone, five different guys decided to whip it out in public.

    I’m not saying any of these five guys are bad people. I sincerely hope these guys don’t lose jobs or friends over this. All they are is five guys who allegedly did something stupid, probably while drunk.

    I am certainly in no position to judge someone for doing something stupid while drunk. How many of us are?

    But the fact that so many people are doing this in a place that’s packed with people and cops really says something about the environment downtown at this hour.

    These guys didn’t decide that this was okay in vacuum.

    And I’m not pinning that on any one bar or any group of bars. I can’t name a single bar in downtown Lowell with an absentee owner. Go to the Shamrock, and you’ll see Nick. Go to the Smokehouse, and you’ll see Tim. Go to Brian’s Ivy Hall and you’ll see Kevin and Eric. Go to the Old Court and you’ll see Finnbar. Go to Hookslides and you’ll see Brian.

    These guys are in their bars and working every weekend to earn their living. None of them put up with any crap in their bars.

    But people walk out of these places and suddenly decide they can do things that they know they couldn’t do IN a bar.

    Police have spent tens of thousands of dollars to boost patrols downtown, and on Saturday night they put a guy who commands homicide detectives in charge. How much more seriously can the cops take this?
    Should SWAT be visible to send a message? Armored vehicles? Landmines?

    There has got to be some way to change this and make people realize that downtown Lowell isn’t a place where you can piss at will, beat people in front of restaurants and follow girls around with your dong out.
    And if I have to write about and embarrass people until that message starts to get out, then I’ll be writing about this a lot more, and I think next time a story like this pops up I’ll be asking LPD for mugshots.

    I don’t just report on Lowell; I live in Lowell, and I love going to the bars downtown. (Ask any one of those owners, since they can probably tell you how stupid I get). I’ve seen the work that these guys do and they all deserve to do well. I want them to do well because I want to live in a city where the downtown has more to offer than just lawyers, CVS and parking tickets.

    But I also wouldn’t mind living in a city where the downtown doesn’t smell like piss when you walk through it Sunday morning.

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